The waiting place

Mama Goose is heading south... some more

The past year has been so much about trying to solicit changes at the local level that I've lost myself in the political process a bit.  I didn't get as much school work done as I would have liked and my sleepless nights were usually connected to Doula births.  I reflect warmly on having been in a part of the world where I was allowed to and welcomed to practice and learn every day. It was Baptism by fire in some ways but in others, it felt as natural as if I had been catching babies my whole life.  And to come back to my home and spend a whole year wondering if all that was real because here at home I am not allowed to practice leaves me feeling unwelcome.

Midwifery education was not available in Canada until 1993 when the first program opened in Ontario. This means that we have a 20 year old system that drives a 4 year old regulatory body on policy and legislation in our community.  I might let my 20 year old drive but I sure wouldn't put my 4 year old behind the wheel of a tonne of steal.  You get my meaning? The fact remains that students from U.S based programs were allowed to apprentice here before regulation, that there are currently Registered Midwives practicing in Canada who came through the same U.S based programs and work alongside Canadian RMs, some of for whom Apprenticeship training and PLEA was all they had. But then it was A-legal so no one was watching... most of the time.

 

It's hard not to take all of this personally and try as I might to take a more refined and patient approach, I continuously fall into this web of confusion. Wondering why our local midwives appear to accept so many of the restrictions placed on them since regulation was declared; I struggle with feelings of anger and frustration that this newborn system is so rigid and closed. Regulation in 2008 brought publicly funded midwifery to Saskatchewan. But it has also brought issues that do not afford the local midwives the autonomy to choose their students. The Saskatchewan College of Midwives is very young and it appears to be operating from a place that is extremely difficult to understand and/or accept.  One result has been that many aspiring midwives, who cannot access Canadian midwifery education programs have been stuck in...

"The waiting place"

 

http://papahere.com/the-waiting-place/

Meanwhile...

I've waded into the waters of unassisted home birth, believing with my whole heart that a woman should and must be honored if this is what she chooses.  I've seen the satisfaction on a woman's face when she see's her baby and is changed forever by the fact that she knew what to do. Where I had, literally, no role to play other than that of a friend.  That is such an incredibly beautiful moment to witness. Many women are staying home longer in labor even if they plan to move to the hospital. For some, this helps them to prevent unwanted and often un-neccessary interventions. For others, they out-wait the baby and do not move from their homes, proving that birth does not need to be a medical event and that location is not the most important factor for safe, healthy birth.

Recently there was some activity on the SCM website, www.saskmidwives.ca suggesting that some people have been holding themselves out as midwives and that this is illegal. Alongside a press release, targeting the one school that challenges existing policy by suggesting that students be given the privilege of 'studenting' legally under the supervision of Saskatchewan Midwives. My attempt to translate..."We won't let our midwives work with you as students because you're not real students." Oh and "We're watching you to make sure you don't use what you know because you shouldn't be doing so without supervision." Hmm??  

*side note - when I was little, I always loved The Velveteen Rabbit http://digital.library.upenn.edu/women/williams/rabbit/rabbit.html  I always thought the skin horse was a pretty class act, the way he (or maybe she) spoke so kindly but directly to the little rabbit.  Sometimes it does hurt to become real. But the rabbit clung to every word of the skin horse. I think it was my favorite * 

For the record, the opposite is actually true: As a student of midwifery, an aspiring midwife. I receive at least 5 calls per month (some get a call per day) from women who ask if I will attend their planned home birth because they were not able to get a midwife.  The women know that I have some training, that I am not finished and that I can't legally attend them, that I could be fined or go to jail if I do.  And they ask anyways. Because they know something that the rest of society seems to have forgotten... women need women when they are in labor.  Women need to be empowered, not scared or threatened. If they are scared to go to the hospital, can't get an RM and would settle to have their mothers best friends former room mates uncles niece with them at home, the message may be that we should have a look at the flaws in the system? Yes?


And then... I go back to the drawing board and try to crack the code of understanding and all I can figure is that regulation has instilled an overpowering ark of fear over my community. I am left with a deep understanding of why women choose not to go to the hospital, even if it means that they are alone.  It is not that I am seeking out such opportunities but I will not hide the fact that I have been there. It is my intention to become a midwife. And everything about that IS personal to me AND to the mother's who would like to have their baby land softly into my hands... or their own for that matter. 


There is a small group of like minded students who form the Saskatchewan Midwifery Students Coalition. We might be stronger as a group. Email me if you're interested in getting involved.  softbirth@gmail.com - Even if you aren't studying midwifery, consider joining us. Especially if you have another degree of some sort in law, political science, journalism, etc.  This may not happen while I'm still a student, but I'm not going to stop trying. Midwives (and even student midwives) know how to wait... Even if our system is stuck at the shoulders...Perhaps a little Gaskin Maneuver might help http://guerrillamamamedicine.wordpress.com/2009/12/23/1868/  - I will continue to pray for a miracle, for understanding and for the midwives to be allowed to teach the next generation what we really need to know. 

The little fellow that affirmed for sure that this is my life's work.

Dear Karma,
I'm in a really groovy place with my academics right now. It turns out that even though I have been somewhat distracted the past year, I've still managed to learn some very cool things about birth and women and babies. Getting some work done every day to bring me closer to finished and discerning the difference between a commitment and a wish is helping.  And I think I see a light. It's kind of tiny but I'm sure that's what I'm seeing.  I love what I'm learning, even the really challenging content.  I just keep hearing a still small voice saying "it's challenging because you're dealing with human life." I embrace that idea and commit to giving it my best. When I am about to  learn a new skill such as suturing or blood draws, I have a moment where I realize that I didn't think I'd ever be learning such things. Then I see myself doing the skill and by the time I get my first "hands on" moment, it is as if something inside me knew how to do it.  I may have been nervous and I don't get it right every single time but I haven't hurt anyone and that was my biggest fear. 


This had to happen in an environment outside of Canada, where I was allowed and welcomed. I am seeking a placement where I can stop waiting and keep practicing and learning. There seem to be a few options in front of me, all of which include ocean water (my favorite). Our life is allowing for this to happen and by the grace of God, I should be finished within the year and applying to whatever bridging process exists by then. Please keep up the good karma my dear ones :)  Now, back to class.